260

41,259 days later, a mere fourteen days after celebrating his 113th birthday, henry allingham has assumed the magnificent role of the worlds oldest man following todays death of japans tomoji tanabe.

guinness says so.

just look at him valiantly flash the devil horns for your viewing pleasure. dont fuck with hank; he wont hesitate for so much as a femtosecond to get all 19th century on your ass.

and let us note that his gums still look better than that of any other briton on the planet.



congratulations, you spiffy studmuffin.

261

happy 111th, harry.

henry john "harry" patch joined the british army in 1916; he participated in trench warfare and is the sole surviving human being to have been wounded in the first world war.

his name was also the latest to be released from major league baseballs list of those who tested positive in 2003 for use of performance enhancing drugs, or, as harry called it, "the sauce."



june 17th, 1898 -

262

crush depth always finds it amusing when major newspapers make major typographical errors.

this one happens to be hilarious, although the savvy amongst you wont stop at the first line if you wish to experience a delicious dopamine doubletake.

263

3,563,568,000 seconds later...

happy 113th, henry; the man who credits his longevity to cigarettes, whiskey, and wild women didnt begin serving at the tail end of the war. henry william allingham joined the british royal air force in august of nineteen fucking fifteen.

he was already nineteen years old.


in case youre wondering henry is currently the thirteenth oldest person in the world and the second oldest man; tomoji tanabi of japan is 261 days his senior. crush depth thinks that not too many people in human history can claim to have not only been alive for three distinct centuries but also be old enough to have a memory or two of the first.

telomeres aint got shit on you, hank.



june 6th, 1896 -

264

1936 - 2009.



one night in bangkok makes a hard man humble.

265

march 11, 1899 - june 3, 2009.

john "jack" campbell ross, the sole remaining australian world war i veteran, died as he slept at one hundred and ten years old.




...and then there were five.