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the first thing my boss told me when i arrived at work this afternoon was that we had sold two thousand watermelons between the time the store opened at seven and the time i began my shift at one.

since i dont make any commissions or bonuses or perks based on the magnitude of our sales i wryly replied "man my bonus check is gonna rock this week, ronald."

can you feel the fuckin' humor?

i was then informed that we would be out of wawamelons until the delivery arrived later in the afternoon. perhaps not surprisingly, the first question with which i was confronted on the sales floor was "where are the watermelons?"

since we did not have any, i succinctly yet aptly replied "we are out until the next shipment arrives."

let us now engage in a little thought experiment, shall we?

imagine, if you will, asking a clerk at your local grocery store where you might locate a watermelon. in response, the clerk informs you that no more will be available until the next truck arrives. when presented with such information, would you surmise that at least 999,999 out of one million people who aren't retarded would understand that no more watermelons will be available until more arrive?

a normal chain of thought would involve something along the lines of "okay. none here. more later. lets see now...i know! ill get a melon later when they are here!"

instead, i had the ignominious distinction of dealing with the one moron in a million who, with a poker face that would make johnny chan weep, asked "so what are you trying to say?"

yeah. go ahead. let that morsel of human ingenuity bounce from neuron to neuron for thirty-eight seconds.

upon realizing she was indeed serious, i simply told her that i meant abraham lincoln was the sixteenth president of the united states.

what, did you think i was trying to say something about watermelons, oppenheimer?