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"so what medications have you taken?"

"it would be easier to name the ones i havent."

"wellbutrin?"

"yes."

"effexor?"

"yes."

"lexapro?"

"yes."

"depakote?"

"yes."

"you have taken quite a few, havent you?"

"yes, hence it being easier to name the ones i havent."

"the problem with xanax is that its very addictive."

"uh huh."

"you have to keep taking more and more."

"yep."

"some patients have come to see me while theyre taking ten, twelve milligrams."

"okay."

"why did you stop taking the other medications?"

"they didnt work."

"how do you know?"

"because they didnt help."

"how long did you take them?"

"at least four months each."

"i see, i see."

"what do you see?"

a pause.

"when did you have the ct scan?"

"five or six years ago."

"and what was the reason?"

"the neurologist wanted to make sure there was nothing physiologically wrong with my brain."

"and she prescribed you seroquel."

"yes."

"what effect did it have?"

"none."

"everyone has a response to seroquel."

"everyone has a response to every drug."

"how much did you take?"

"i dont remember."

"was it a little red pill?"

"i dont remember and im not going to guess."

"sometimes you have to take more to have a noticeable effect."

"okay."

"why didnt she prescribe you a higher dosage?"

"im not a neurologist. i dont know."

"and you dont remember the shape?"

exhale.

"nope."

"are you open to trying something new?"

"thats why im here."

"i want you to try taking klonopin to get you off xanax."

"alright."

"its stronger."

"so it has a longer half-life?"

she looks up.

"you know about this?"

"uh huh."

"yes, it has a longer half-life."

"good."

"i want you to take one milligram twice daily. we can go up to three milligrams."

"how is this not substituting one addiction for another?"

"we have to wean you off the xanax."

"thats not what i asked."

she looks up.

"klonopin doesnt have the same problems xanax does."

"theyre both benzodiazepines."

"klonopin works another way."

"all benzodiazepines augment the effects of gaba."

she looks down.

"if three milligrams doesnt help enough we can also add seroquel."