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the only good thing about laboring on labor day is that i get paid eight cents an hour instead of the usual three. i plan to buy a swiffer with my spoils; judging by the antics of the woman in the commercial i simply wont need anything else in order to grow old and grey in a state of perennial euphoria.

a woman greeted me during my shift by stating "your grapes look terrible." i felt so fucking bad because i planted, grew and harvested the grapes all by myself. i personally grow everything we sell in our department in between my nightly trips to the dark side of the moon.

it might not surprise the lion's share of my faithful readership to learn that i responded by saying "so does your face. thank you for shopping jewel-osco."



"people around the world. join hands. start a love train. love train. people around the world. join hands. start a love train. love train."