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its november 9th and the weather has apparently forgotten that illinois doesnt embrace the equator.
im a cold weather guy. i always have been. i always will be.
i cant think, sleep, eat, fuck, piss, shit, work, drink, write, read, watch, listen, crochet or motivate myself to do anyfuckingthing unless the mercury falls below sixty.
i dont understand all you fuckers who lather up with fourteen bottles of banana boat and sit in the scorching sun just waiting for cancer to lay waste to your leathery integument. yeah, youll all look real good in your fifties with gargantuan cheek wrinkles scraping along the ground like the ethereal chains of jacob marley. peel yourself off the horrid, itchy sand, hose yourself down with a foaming bucket of lever 2000 and get some vitamin d from a pint-sized chug of strawberry nesquik.
ugh.
i want to see snow on the ground so thick that i can perform a triple-lindy off my roof and safely land atop nature's marshmallow. i want to feel the magnificent assuagement of falling asleep under a flocculent, down comforter as the air around my exposed head remains so deliciously cool that i can observe wisps of vaporous exhalation play cops and robbers with esoteric nitrogen. i want to listen to winter's draconian winds ceaselessly howl at the fronds of my frosty window sill.
howl at the moon, motherfucker.
unleash the boreal so i can breathe.
im a cold weather guy. i always have been. i always will be.
i cant think, sleep, eat, fuck, piss, shit, work, drink, write, read, watch, listen, crochet or motivate myself to do anyfuckingthing unless the mercury falls below sixty.
i dont understand all you fuckers who lather up with fourteen bottles of banana boat and sit in the scorching sun just waiting for cancer to lay waste to your leathery integument. yeah, youll all look real good in your fifties with gargantuan cheek wrinkles scraping along the ground like the ethereal chains of jacob marley. peel yourself off the horrid, itchy sand, hose yourself down with a foaming bucket of lever 2000 and get some vitamin d from a pint-sized chug of strawberry nesquik.
ugh.
i want to see snow on the ground so thick that i can perform a triple-lindy off my roof and safely land atop nature's marshmallow. i want to feel the magnificent assuagement of falling asleep under a flocculent, down comforter as the air around my exposed head remains so deliciously cool that i can observe wisps of vaporous exhalation play cops and robbers with esoteric nitrogen. i want to listen to winter's draconian winds ceaselessly howl at the fronds of my frosty window sill.
howl at the moon, motherfucker.
unleash the boreal so i can breathe.
posted by megaton at 6:27 PM
2 Comments:
My sister use to lay out in our backyard with baby oil as tanning lotion. Burn baby burn! I hate the heat and the closest I’ve come to snow in years was when it hailed here one night….everything was white and pretty…for about 5 mins.
I miss the snow…hell, I’d be happy with sleet at this point.
And I live in California why?
i had friends that used crisco. lard really brings the tan out.
stupid wrinkled girls.
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