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"do you have any mung bean sprouts?"

i looked at the customer with my head slightly tilted for a half second because few people have prefaced "bean sprouts" with "mung" during my thirteen year tenure in the produce department. i know what mung bean sprouts are for the simple reason that i have sprouted them myself using the finest, organically produced seeds. ive never been one to turn down a nice crunchy bean sprout or two.

"sure," i said. "right over here."

i led her to the item.

"no, these arent them," she said. "im a chinese chef."

the hilarity of her last statement aside, when it comes to produce i know exactly what im talking about more than 99% of the time. mung beans appear white once theyve sprouted for two reasons: one, they are grown in complete darkness which inhibits almost all chlorophyll development; second, and perhaps alarming to the discerning reader, commercially grown sprouts including those of the mung variety are treated with a solution containing bleach.

and you thought clorox was just for kids.

anyway, my canned reponse to morons who clearly have no idea what theyre talking about is "okay then we dont carry them."

ive never understood why people ask me questions and then dismiss my answers as if the only reason they inquired in the first place was to hear their own voice.

"you see mung beans are green lentils..."

"--yeah we dont carry them."

i then gave her a resounding thumbs up to intimate how stupid she would feel when she arrived home, performed a little research and realized that the ingredient she needed was exactly the item to which i escorted her during her trip to our pathetic little store.


what sorry, stupid people.