340

as i slept and dreamt of sleep a mail carrier sorted the day's route.

one letter had my name written on the envelope.


"to the applicant:

you have been referred by the department of central management services for consideration in filling the position of a firearm/toolmark/latent print forensic scientist trainee.

please follow the above directions for reporting to the interview listed above.

--illinois state police, forensic sciences command"



well, holy shit.

341

sticks and stones and silicon
dust and ash and clay
neurons thirst for crafts to hone
have you come to play?


of the following five statements, which one is false?

1. a chiliagon is a polygon with 10,000 sides.
2. the hadron epoch lasted approximately .999999 seconds.
3. one millillion is equivalent to ten to the 3003rd power.
4. -40 celsius is equivalent to -40 fahrenheit.
5. feynman's point is a series of six consecutive 9s in pi.

342

yeah.

those of you planning to send crush depth valentines should postmark all cadbury cream eggs no later than XQ40792F3.


no exceptions.

343

in 1843, john quincy adams, the sixth president of the united states and son of second president john adams, became the first commander in chief to have his likeness immortalized in a daguerreotype image:



the process of developing a daguerreotype involved the use of silver, iodine and mercury vapor. crush depth would wager an old school dime that period photographers who spent their days in a mercury cloud were disproportionately prone to a host of horrendous illnesses in an era where jerking off to a hot copy of "juggs" in order to relieve pain would have been decidedly frowned upon by those in attendance.

although adams wasnt photographed until fourteen years after his presidency concluded he nonetheless holds the undisputed, world, continental, intercontinental, universal title as the first skipper to endure the trials and tribulations of agonizingly tortoiselike primordial photography.

but enough about triple h.

james buchanan, undoubtedly everyone's all-time favorite prez, was the first to bust the photography cherry while wielding the white house reins.



the first authenticated photograph taken of anything was none other than "view from the window at la gras" by joseph nicéphore niépce in 1826.



thats an actual, 181 year old image.

i find few things in life more concomitantly haunting and captivating than early 19th century photographs.

eighty-six year old supreme court justice john paul stevens, or, as i like to call him, god, assumed his position on december 19, 1975 after being nominated by president gerald rudolph ford and confirmed 98-0 by the senate.



in addition to being america's coolest octogenarian stud, justice stevens crafted the most scathing dissent in the court's 5-4 decision that effectively terminated manual vote recounts in florida during the mercurial 2000 presidential campaign.

stevens refused to mince nary a word by writing "we may never know with complete certainty who won this election, but the identity of the loser is perfectly clear, it is the nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law."

go stevens. go stevens. go stevens.

harry s truman, the man who authorized deployment of the two largest bombs ever used against other human beings, was the only president to serve after 1870 sans college diploma. although he briefly studied jurisprudence at the university of missouri-kansas city school of law he never earned the right to adorn the west wing with academic sheepskin.



one can only wonder why truman didnt return to his studies when he was defeated by dewey in the 1948 election.



thats a $100,000 bill. thats woodrow wilson. thats the largest denomination the united states ever printed. that would get you one hell of a booth from the maître d'.

any questions?

now.

the twenty-second amendment of the united states' constitution declares that "no person shall be elected to the office of the president more than twice, and no person who has held the office of president, or acted as president, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected president shall be elected to the office of the president more than once." (emphasis added.)

the language is crystal clear, folks.

a president may serve for two and one-half terms for a total administrative assignment not to exceed ten years; thus, the statement "the 22nd amendment limits a president to serving two terms" is false.

crush depth senses some groans.

might i remind those of you who find the half-term exception persnickety that a president's actions, initiatives and appointments during the first 100 days in office have an especially significant tonal and effectual impact on the remainder of their administration; 730 extra executive days represents a potentially enormous vantage.

nice work, eric, jada and anonymous.


the line:

jada: four
verbald: three
brandon: three
anonymous: four
brad: one
eric: three
mindy: one
david in dc: one

344

i was in third grade the last time the bears played in the superbowl.

i remember watching the game with my grandfather.

twenty-one years have passed.




its time to bring it back home.

345

jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system followed in descending diametric order by saturn, uranus, neptune, earth, venus, mars and mercury.



that would place earth at number five for those of you with enough fingers.

i wouldve included pluto in the mix but a bunch of knuckleheads in the front office formally decided to make the former smallest rock a planetary pariah in the year of our lord 2006.

several years ago the folks who administrate the iau, otherwise known as the international astronomical union, crafted a preposterously gordian three-part definition of what constitutes a planet:

1. objects with true masses below the limiting mass for thermonuclear fusion of deuterium (currently calculated to be 13 jupiter masses for objects of solar metallicity) that orbit stars or stellar remnants are "planets" (no matter how they formed). the minimum mass/size required for an extrasolar object to be considered a planet should be the same as that used in our solar system.

2. substellar objects with true masses above the limiting mass for thermonuclear fusion of deuterium are "brown dwarfs," no matter how they formed nor where they are located.

3. free-floating objects in young star clusters with masses below the limiting mass for thermonuclear fusion of deuterium are not "planets," but are "sub-brown dwarfs."

tell me something i don’t know, fellahs.

although i cant foresee anyone having trouble making heads or tails of the above requisite criteria the iau recently released a condensed, modified definition of a planet:

a bona fide planet consists of "a celestial body that is (a) in orbit around the sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.”

pluto fails to fulfill the third requirement although crush depth is left scratching his head since nasa recently reported a brobdingnagian meteoric fart that sent every cosmic entity in pluto’s vicinity packing.

sigh.

i guess pluto is just the ziggy of planets.

without getting mired in irrelevant technicalities, electronegativity can be defined as the propensity of an atom to attract electrons to itself. the "pauling scale" represents the usual weapon of choice to assess a particular element’s respective electronegativity. the scale ranges from zero to four; the higher the score the greater the electronegativity.

got it?

does anyone remember the mnemonic device “fon home! fon home!” back in the dingy, crumbling halls of chem 101? of course, depending on your geographic location, you might instead recall “pick up the fuckin’ fon, bitch.”

“fon” stands for fluorine, the most electronegative element at 3.98, followed by oxygen at 3.44 and nitrogen at 3.04. the farther down or left you traverse the periodic table the lower the electronegativity of the element.

just wait ‘til you see the look of constipation on your children's faces when you tell them at the dinner table.

the lowly element francium has an electronegativity value of 0.7 thus making it the least likely atom to ascertain a friday night electron date and get jiggy wit' it valence style.

thats not to say francium isnt just burning doin’ the neutron dance.

the next time you host a kegger try discarding the donkey and playing “pin the gigantic motherfuckin' electron on the periodic table.” raucous fun will surely ensue as your guests merrily cross reference the electronegativity of their mystery element.

“ha ha! johnny picked a lathanide! chug chug chug chug!”

earth’s atmosphere consists of roughly 78.08% nitrogen, 20.94% oxygen, .93% argon and a smattering of other goodies including carbon dioxide, neon, helium, methane, krypton, nitrous oxide, xenon, ozone and even iodine.

whereas argon represents over 9,000 parts per million by volume of earth’s atmosphere, neon, the second most abundant noble gas, contributes a mere 18 parts per million.

i have included a nifty representation of an argon atom as a reward for those who arent plowing through the murky depths of their drawers desperately seeking a calculator.



argon isnt merely the fashionable pirate’s favorite element; its earth’s hippest, most abundant noble gas.

earth boasts five atmospheric layers ranging from the troposphere to the exosphere. the troposphere extends from ground level to approximately ten miles skyward; the exosphere is so distant from terra firma that a colorful visual courtesy of the buffoons at nasa seems apropos to place the relative scale into digestible perspective:



in 1960, u.s. air force captain joe kittinger set a record for the highest skydive by jumping out of a gondola from an altitude of nearly twenty miles.



the 102,800 foot height of the third and final freefall in project excelsior placed kittinger beyond the realm of the troposphere into the stratosphere.

kittinger nearly broke the speed of sound by attaining an almost inconceivable velocity of 614 miles per hour.

thats .91 mach, my friends.


a riddle:

what do you get if you recognize the significance of .0000000000000000000000000016726 and .0000000000000000000000000016749?

give up?

neutrons have .0000000000000000000000000000023 kilograms more mass than protons; therefore, the converse of statement two is true thus rendering the original locution false.

so, you get a point, you chelatin' chemistry connoisseurs.



the line:

jada: three
verbald: three
brandon: three
anonymous: three
brad: one
eric: two
mindy: one
david in dc: one

346

1940-2007.

347

sun-times columnist mary mitchell shared her enthusiastic views regarding barack obama's probable 2008 presidential campaign in today's edition:

"...until a black father can look at his son and tell him in earnest that one day he could grow up to become the president of the united states, then america's great promise is as elusive as peace in the middle east...until a black man can seek the presidency without worrying that something tragic may happen, then we really havent made much progress..."

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

could she possibly have authored a more painful string of nauseating, uninspiring and downright hackneyed platitudes?

in an article chock full of incessant, idealistic crap, why the fuck did she write "until a black father can look at his son" instead of choosing to scribe the egalitarian alternative "until a black parent can look at their child?"

moreover, i dont think america has made any significant, tangible progress in the realm of racial equality or the psychological and physiological well-being of its almost unbelievably politically, culturally, ethnically and racially diversified population.

im not proud to be an american citizen and i dont like our country.

when i traveled to ireland and england a few years ago i told the people i met my country of ancestry rather than my country of citizenship. im constantly disgusted to be associated with a nation that places an article detailing neil patrick harris' homosexuality five newspaper pages ahead of a local soldier's obituary.

once the supreme court illegally decided that george w. bush would win the presidency despite overwhelming evidence that al gore was the rightful successor to clinton i found myself more and more at odds with american principles.

we work unnecessarily long and taxing hours, we find ourselves chronically ill and sleep deprived, we offer unconscionably inadequate sevices to the destitute, we ignore the plight of military veterans and we inexcusably attempt to impart our maligned values to countries that are far more humanitarian and socially successful than our own.

im most bothered by the fact that we live in a country where we habitually ignore potentially fascinating people we encounter in public locations. at what point did we almost unilaterally decide that we shouldnt say "hi" to other humans standing two feet away from us?

have we surpassed mere xenophobia in an apparent quest for interpersonal nihilism?

try introducing yourself to three new people in a bookstore, coffee shop or restaurant that you frequently visit. you will find that the cumulative, multifaceted rewards of such an ostensibly insignificant act will not only enrich your life but also those to whom you extend your alliance.

america is a country that continues to barrel towards unquenchable wariness, ecologically and ethically destructive business practices, appalling socioeconomic segregation and alienation, deplorably misguided materialism, moral transparency and the relentless pursuit of totally meaningless bullshit.

please, american journalists, write columns that contain audacious substance. weve heard all the gossamer baloney ad nauseum ad infinitum.


stand.

348

as i watched john carpenter's classic "they live" last night, i thought about the sensory glasses each of us wear. instead of being crafted from plastic they are sculpted by life experience and brain chemistry.

we never remove them even as we dream.

whereas some people see a crash others recognize an impact.

if i asked ten million people to write a fifty-word description of white bread i could take a glimpse into the window of ten million similar yet unique perceptual constructs.

would you focus on the color, the shape, the texture, the aroma, the thickness, the dimensions or something fundamentally different?


do you remember a particular picture in one of your history books?

do you recall a professor telling an interesting anecdote?

do you recollect a news article buried on page 43?


of the following five statements, which one is false?

1. the first photographed president was john quincy adams.
2. gerald ford nominated supreme court justice john paul stevens.
3. president harry s truman never earned a college degree.
4. the 22nd amendment limits a president to serving two terms.
5. woodrow wilson appears on the face of the $100,000 bill.

349

"what in tarnation? this aint saddam's head. i asked 'em for saddam's head. i can tell by lookin' at this ear. this aint saddam's ear. i wonder how you spell armadillah? man im hungry. where the fuck's condoleezza? i bet this thing might float. when's recess? i like rubber duckies."

350

look closer.

351

such a perspicacious readership have i.

seth macfarlane's travel agent mistakenly thought that flight 11 would depart a half-hour later than it was actually scheduled to depart on september 11th; as such, the young man who has time and again delivered unbridled delight to millions per the naughty hijinks of greased-up deaf guy missed his ill-fated flight.



one can only surmise what brian griffin's version of "its peanut butter jelly time" would have been like without seth's keen comedic prowess at the helm.

crush depth thinks his agent got a little something extra in the ole christmas stocking.

larry hanks earned his doctorate from the university of california at riverside in 1991 and currently edifies students about the glorious nuances of insect ecology at the university of illinois' urbana-champaign campus.



he also spends his time studying horticulturally friendly ways of curbing the spread of the mischievous, tree-munching asian longhorned beetle.

who said larry doesnt know how to bring the house down?

buddy ebsen nearly died as a consequence of inhaling the aluminum dust that was originally used to impart a silver sheen to his wardrobe and body.

perhaps this tragedy explains why he agreed to star in "the beverly hillbillies" since i cant think of anything other than aluminum dust intoxication that would persuade me to sign such an evil contract.



although he was replaced by jack haley during his two-week hospital stay, ebsen's voice can still be heard in several reprisals of "were off to see the wizard."

and no, my urban legend aficionados, a munchkin cannot be seen hanging himself during the movie for the simple reason that nary a munchkin let loose the noose on the metro-goldwyn-mayer set.

its a bird, you rowdy conspiracy theorists.

dont know about the legend? confused? interested?

read this, insert floyd's "dark side of the moon" in your eight-track player, swig a lead-based jug of rumplemintz and let your mind deceive you.

although its an intriguing and somewhat haunting series of frames an on-screen suicide it aint.

moving right along:

stallone was paid a grand total of two-hundred fat washingtons for his debut acting role as "stud" in morton lewis' magnum opus entitled "the party at kitty and stud's."

lest you sprain an ankle running to your local porn merchant to secure a copy of this legendary schlock allow me to post the plot outline courtesy of imdb:

"kitty and stud are lovers. they enjoy a robust sex-life, which includes fellatio and light s&m, specifically, stud belt-whipping kitty. three women come over for a party and stud services them, one after the other.

although i love the use of the word "specifically" in the description i would be remiss not to plant a seed in your mind that abstracts of dick and jane adventures would probably sound slightly less moronic.

those of you who thought statement number five was false might have been thrown astray by the title of the film. although stallone indeed first graced the big screen with his - ahem- commanding presence in "the party at kitty and stud's," the reissue version following the success of "rocky" became the infamous "italian stallion" video.

yo adrienne! ilawallalallawalawa! wha?

despite a lack of concord for the actual, bottom-line reason underlying his departure, jean-claude van damme either quit or was replaced in "predator." director john mctiernan claims that van damme signed his own pink slip upon learning he wouldnt be credited as an official cast member; other sources propose that kevin peter hall's performance simply supplanted van damme's.

i can envision both scenarios given van damme's track record although i tend to lean towards the latter simply because kevin peter hall seems like a natural choice for the now iconic role.

kevin peter hall stood a towering 7'2'' tall.

thats 86 inches, or, if you will, roughly half the length of milton berle's legendary cock.

hall can be seen without his alien makeup at the tail end of the film; hes the black helicopter pilot.

pursuant to a draconian car crash in the los angeles area the actor who also played "harry" in "harry and the hendersons" received an hiv-contaminated blood transfusion.

hall succumbed to aids-related complications in 1991.



he was 36 years old.


the line:

jada: two
verbald: two
brandon: two
anonymous: two
brad: one
eric: one

352

jesus fucking christ i was just tortured by the chinese consulate for twenty months after saving the country five fucking times and you pricks want me to do it all over again without even offering me an orange julius?

353

ill wait two more days to reveal the correct answer to question number three.

i offer a few words of wisdom to those who havent yet posted their response: consensus and accuracy dont always sleep in the same bed.

then again, safety frequently lurks within numbers, does not it?

your move.


time to start separating the men from the boys.


of the following five statements, which one is false?

1. earth is the fifth largest planet in the solar system.
2. protons have more mass than neutrons.
3. fluorine is the most electronegative element.
4. argon is earth's most abundant noble gas.
5. the troposphere is earth's lowest atmospheric layer.

354

1922-2007.

355

who wants to fuck shit up and obliterate a four-way tie?

who wants to forge ahead and leave the pack in their rearview mirror where objects are closer than they appear?

whos an imdb junkie?

who just finished surfing for porno?


of the following five statements, which one is false?

1. seth macfarlane, creator of "family guy," missed american airlines flight 11 on september 11, 2001 because his travel agent provided him with an incorrect departure time.

2. kevin peter hall, the actor who was originally cast as the title role in 1987's "predator," was replaced by jean-claude van damme following creative differences with the director.

3. tom hanks' brother, larry, is an assistant professor of insect ecology at the university of illinois at urbana-champaign.

4. buddy ebsen, the actor who played "jed" on the beverly hillbillies, had to relinquish his role as the tin man in the wizard of oz due to an allergic reaction to silver makeup.

5. sylvestor stallone's first acting role was in a 1970 adult film entitled "the party at kitty and stud's" in which he played the character "stud."

356

eight of the 537 voters from the baseball writers association of america didnt select cal ripken, jr. as a hall of fame nominee this afternoon.

although ripken still earned the third highest percentage of overall nods in baseball's hall of fame history, i couldnt help but wonder what strain of 'dro these eight buffoons were smoking when they decided cal shouldnt make the cut.

who could they possibly select in lieu of ripken?

throughout his twenty-one year career with the orioles, ripken smashed 3,184 hits, cranked 431 home runs, participated in 19 all-star games and played in two-thousand, six hundred and thirty-two consecutive games.

those who fail to grasp the gargantuan significance of ripken's streak in an era where professional athletes routinely sit out games for trivial reasons simply do not belong in the writer's guild; these eight assholes completely lack an understanding, appreciation, and, most importantly, a vision of the hall's hallowed spirit.

show some fucking class.

ripken eclipsed mere ironman status to attain an absolutely impervious plateau of athletic endurance that will remain a light-year benchmark until the end of time.

357

357.

magnum post.

in 2001, kevin schwartz of new york graduated from harvard with a degree in government and a perfect grade point average; two years later, his sister lisa, who, interestingly, was also a government major, accomplished the same feat.

neither sibling ever received any grade lower than an "a" in any course they completed.

clearly the schwartz was with them.

henry kissinger graduated summa cum laude from harvard in 1950 but just missed a perfect g.p.a. by receiving a B in a philosophy course; one can only wonder what he might have accomplished in life had he decided to study instead of pulling six footers all semester.

conan o'brien graduated magne cum laude from harvard.

according to the nobel prize website, 200-300 people are considered for each nobel prize annually. although nominees are supposed to remain confidential for fifty years, the individuals who nominate candidates frequently leak information through a variety of channels.

george w. bush was indeed nominated for the 2002 nobel peace prize by a norwegian politician.

a fellow by the name of jimmy carter actually became '02's nobel peace prize laureate.

keep in mind that alfred nobel intended the award to honor those individuals that "have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

why bush didnt run away with the $940,000 prize is anyone's guess.

and now for some titties:



check out the lower left corner of this still frame from disney's 1977 film "the rescuers."

go ahead.

click on the picture and have a good look at the naked woman exposing her fabulous rack much to the delight of two animated rodents.

the photo represents one of two frames in the film's 112,000 total frames that contain bona fide nudity.

in 1999 disney recalled more than 3 million copies of the home video release stating that they wished "to keep our promise to families that you can trust and rely on the disney brand to provide the finest in family entertainment."

i cant argue with such a moving press release as disney has undeniably brought us some of the breast moments in celluloid history.

"cultured grade a lowfat milk, cherries, sugar, fructose syrup, high fructose corn syrup, contains less than 1% of modified corn starch, pectin, kosher gelatin, natural flavor, sodium phosphate, malic acid, carmine (for color), calcium phosphate. contains active yogurt cultures including l. acidophilus."

those ingredients look familiar?

thats what youll find on the back of a dannon cherry yogurt label. notice that i emphasized "carmine."



the small critter you see above is called a cochineal beetle; these insects feed upon the crimson juice of prickly pears which are the fruits of several varieties of cactus plants.

prickly pears, incidentally, are fucking delicious. go to a hispanic market and ask for "tuna."

approximately 70,000 beetles are required to produce one pound of carmine. once the pigment is extracted it finds its way into a variety of foodstuffs including yogurt, candy, juice and ice cream confections. its also used as a general dye.

the next time you devour a cup of your favorite red-hued yogurt think of crush depth and remember youll find more than just fruit on the bottom.


ready for the bullshit?

the word "tip" as it relates to giving a gratuity is an example of a "backronym" in which an already defined word is later ascribed acronymic meaning.

for example, the word "fuck" is not an acronym for the phrase "for unlawful carnal knowledge" or "fornication under the christian king" or "forced unlawful carnal knowledge;" rather, fuck is an anglo-saxon word that was first used in the fifteenth century to denote the act of sexual intercourse.

fuck is a word in and of itself that stands by itself.

similarly, the individual letters in "tip" stand for nothing; as the oxford english dictionary professes, the word tip finds its roots in a slang english verb meaning "to pass from one to another."

humans like to find or create significance where none exists.

furthermore, if "tip" was indeed an acronym, it would be more grammatically appropriate to "ensure" promptness than "insure" promptness.

do you want to hire an underwriter to author an insurance policy on your wendy's triple-stack or do you simply want to ensure that your carmine yogurt fiesta plate is kosher?

the only person who leaves a "tep" is a dyslexic richard gere walking out on his gerbil.

but enough about pretty woman.


well done, verbald, brandon and anonymous.


the line:

jada: one
verbald: one
brandon: one
anonymous: one

358

i hate the reality that i live in a neighborhood where customers look at my cart to see what i can give them before they look me in the eye to acknowledge a fellow human.

our society continues to forge behind.

i have noticed a correlation between the price of cantaloupes on a given day and the stupidity of any question im asked irrespective of whether or not the inquiry relates to cantaloupes; the better the bargain the crappier the cranium.

a middle-aged woman held a 'loupe in her hand this afternoon and asked "what does this mean?"

i felt like saying it was a pronoun used to designate a person, place, thing or idiot.

later in the day a strapping young lad asked me where he could find some coal. it took me a moment to realize he was seeking charcoal since i tend not to anticipate questions that have absolutely nothing to do with my occupation.

do you ever walk into a jiffy lube and ask the mechanic how fast a giraffe can run the fifty?


if my job had any more faults it would be a tectonic plate.

359

i think the person who centered and punctuated the text might have indulged.

360

someone failed to follow the extraordinarily simple rules for crush depth trivia.

fortunately the comment contained nonsense.

i appreciate everyones participation and i encourage all of you to share your wisdom once i post the answer; however, until a week has passed, i will summarily delete any responses that offer any explanations as to why a statement is true or false. i will also remove comments that have the potential to bias others.

dont research before you post your answer, dont jump the gun with your two cents and dont waste my time.


read the fucking directions.

361

well, well, well.

five provocative statements; five distinct responses.

one of you has a ticket for the bullet train towards optimal thyroid function, dont you?

without further ado:

barack hussein obama, illinois' junior senator, was born in honolulu, hawaii on august 4th, 1961. hussein is a common arabic name which, depending on your interpretation, translates into "good" or "handsome."

perhaps this doesnt surprise you as saddam was certainly one sexy motherfucker.

harry truman, the thirty-third president of the united states, was given the middle name "s" in order to honor both shipp truman and solomon young, his grandfathers.

according to the scholars at wikipedia, truman didnt give a shit as to whether or not a period was placed after the initial.

do you?

penn fraser jillette, the 6'6'' talking half of the illusionist duo penn and teller, has two children. moxie CrimeFighter jillette was born june 3rd, 2005; moxie has a younger brother named zolten penn jillette.

penn's wife, emily zolten, doesnt have a middle name.

michael j. fox was born michael andrew fox in alberta, canada in 1961. he didnt want to use the name michael a. fox in order to preclude a situation in which teen magazines and related media might print such nauseating quips as "michael, a fox!" on their covers. additionally, those of us who are privy to canadian humor might appreciate the significance of "a" being emphatically pronounced "eh?"

think aboot strange brew, hoser.

lest you think i would leave you in the dark, fox chose the middle initial "j" as an homage to actor michael j. pollard.



and then there was one:

chevy chase is a stage name; the 6'4'' actor and original cast member of saturday night live was born cornelius crane chase in october of 1943. while movies such as caddyshack, fletch and the national lampoon's vacation films propelled chevy chase into mega-stardom, cornelius is perhaps most well known for the smash hit "chevy chase show" which experienced an unprecedented five-week run in 1992.

ahem.

now!

since chevy chase's middle name is "crane," the statement "chevy chase's middle name is cornelius" is false.

congratulations, jada.


you win a point.

362

lets begin the year with trivia question #2, shall not we?

ill wait until thursday to reveal the first question's correct response; perhaps each of you can convince more of your fellow bloggers and browsers to participate in the meantime.

each round will become successively more difficult. ill never ask trick questions but ill continue to delve deeper and deeper into obscurity.

the great premise inherent to trivia is that every human being's mind possesses knowledge that seems obvious to the owner yet utterly baffles others.

what do you happen to know?


of the following five statements, which one is false?

1. two of the four individuals who have graduated from harvard with a perfect grade point average are siblings.

2. the word "tip" is an acronym for the phrase "to insure promptness."

3. carmine, a food additive used to impart red coloring, is produced from crushed south american beetles.

4. president george w. bush was nominated for a nobel peace prize in 2002.

5. in disney's 1977 animated film "the rescuers," a photograph of a topless woman appears in the background.

363

yeah so i hatch my sevens big whoop wanna fight aboudit?



yeah so i had some gunpowder lying around big whoop wanna fight aboudit?



yeah so the purple embers resemble parameciums big whoop wanna fight aboudit?



yeah so this picture is larger than the others big whoop wanna fight aboudit?




happy new year, friends.