461

on and on and on and on and on and on we go.

an announcement on the intercom:

"farmstand dial 329 please...farmstand please dial 329."

i dial 329.

"hello?" the voice says.

"hey," i say.

"a gentleman wants a rain check for some sort of processed romaine leaves?"

"yes," i reply. "theyre called garden cuts romaine. we are sold out so go ahead and write a rain check for $1.99 each."

"okay, a dollar ninety-----"

"EIGHT!" the customer interrupts so loudly that i can clearly hear his voice through the phone.

i laugh loud enough for him to clearly hear.

"okay, a dollar ninety-EIGHT," i say.

"thanks," the service desk employee replies using jewel's secret "these customers are so fucked up" vocal inflection.

one cent.

buy two hundred bags and youll receive the 201st on the house, fucker.

___________________________________

two hours elapse.

"excuse me!" a customer says. "are these oranges a dollar each?"

i peer at the sign, which, incidentally, is written in english. it reads ".99 each."

"correct," i say.


notice any interesting differences between the two vignettes, do yah?