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each pallet of product that gets delivered to jewel foods comes affixed with a white, rectangular sticker bearing the name of the warehouse employee who stacked and packed the merchandise.

i collected the following list of names from a smattering of pallets over the past few days:

1. ephraim nailor
2. mance baylor
3. larry mothershed
4. gerard golek
5. lazarick franklin
6. larshemore morton
7. aurel ladd
8. johnny stamps
9. gino vegetabile

i know that huge retail chains are fond of hiring cheap illegal aliens who write burlesque names on their employment applications but these doozies constitute some of the most ludicrous pseudonyms upon which my eyes have ever feasted.

maybe mance baylor is a real autonym.

perhaps gerard golek is a genuine hancock.

ephraim nailor starts to ride the fence that divides porno names from actual names.

johnny stamps stuffs my phrenic envelope to the limit. i tend to question the legitimacy of a persons surname when its a verb.

gino vegetabile, my friends?


i dont fucking think so.

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one more thing.

enough with the phrase "random chance."

its redundant, it sounds like the byproduct of a starving, novice screenwriter whos grossly overstating a theatrical point and it pisses me off whenever i hear it.

chance implies the involvement of a random element; likewise, random tacitly expresses an element of chance.


a probable likelihood exists that you get my drift.